i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He has the fingertips of a God
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