i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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