and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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