we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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