when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
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Someone came in the potted fern
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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