Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
