Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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