No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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