Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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