I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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