Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
