I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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