my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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