I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
