She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
