it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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