goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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