Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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