Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
