Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
