hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
