I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
