also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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