my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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