Three words: puerto rican gang bang
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
