I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
