sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
