i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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