dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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