it glows. i had to have it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
