In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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