You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I understand Curling. That high.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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