Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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