Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
