if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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