literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
