Your face is a jimmy john
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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