why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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