I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
