You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
