I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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