i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
