he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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