Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
why do cheetos always look like penises
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
