I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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