I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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