I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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