My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
