I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
