Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
