We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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