happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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