Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
