dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize