No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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