I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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