i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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