tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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