we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize