don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
