and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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