atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
