You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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