i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
